Monday, May 6, 2013


Sometimes, you just need a break. in a beautiful place. alone. to figure everything out.

How many of you wish to have moment like this? well, at least I do! I used to don't like to be alone. I used to like at least need 1 company with me to have tea, breakfast, lunch, dinner or anything else. I used to don't like do things alone. I felt that it will make me look so lonely and pitiful.

Time goes by while I grew older, I now prefer to have some lonely time. The 'alone time'. Free myself from anything. Do whatever I like. Nobody bothers me. Nobody restrict me. Now, this is what we call "freedom". Then, I realize this is not pitiful at all! I enjoy this lonely time a lot! Who cares about how people look at me when I was alone having meal in a cafe or restaurant. As long as I am enjoying the moment. Enjoying the meal I ordered. Enjoying the jazz music the cafe is playing. Fiuh! This is relaxing! Of course, if there is a sea view, windy open environment which full of greenery that would be much more better!

Everybody been talking about how dirty the GE13 in Malaysia. I do concern about it. I am quite upset with the result and feeling very down. Then, one by one of my friend started to telling me not to give up. Those leaders been fighting for years and have not gave up. Why should we? And what we did is just dipped our index finger into the so call indelible blue ink! We should stand firm, unite and fight against those corrupted government. So, be calm and do what is right!

Sometimes, I hope that I am so brave like Anwar, Lim Kit Siang, Lim Guan Eng and etc. They fight for the rights. I wish I can fight for my own rights too! But guess I am too coward to fight for myself. I do not know what to do. I just kept quiet and accept what have arranged for me. They think that what they have plan and arranged is good for me but who on earth have actually consider my feelings toward the things had planned for me? Who is living my life? Who knows what is the real good for me? Yes, perhaps what they plan it might be good for me but is that what I want?? Is that what I want for my living? Maybe what I wanna do can't earn a fortune for my living but at least that is what I chose for myself. Even it fails I won't blame anyone for it! because I am the one make myself miserable! People might think why am I so rebellious? We should give a hand when family needs help. I do! I gave my hands and help but don't say I did not put effort into it! I've been persuading myself to do it good but somehow it just does not work that way. I am upset about it too!!!! Why I can't just let it go and perform better? Then, I come to think of it because in the bottom of my heart, I do not want this, I can't surrender myself to it. I tried! really... I tried! but it just fail. What should I do? I have no idea..

I start to don't have much feelings toward things around me. I start to lose interest on things. I start to don't care anything else. I start to get very emotional. I start to get irritated very easily. I start to don't like to talk. I start to don't like to social around. I start to feel I am very abnormal. I am not myself anymore. Who can help me? Lead me please. I am in dilemma. Gonna be selfish and think for myself or I should widen up my mind and think for others? I need help!

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